Social Detox

Since I have had a smart phone I have struggled with social media use. I don’t mean that I don’t know how to use it but that I use it too often and often in a way that hurts me. I obsess over why some guy that I am interested in stops talking to me. Trying to figure out from their social media interactions on what I did and why I don’t quite live up to what they want…

It’s not a healthy thing. It never has been. I get sad. I look at old pictures. I do embarrassing things such as accidentally call through Facebook messenger when I was just being lazy about viewing their profile (recently I did this, like literally last week). And for what? Do I get any benefit out of it? Do I get any joy? Does anyone ever call back (Ayyyyyy guy I called through FB messenger)? Do I get anything that makes me feel fulfilled and set with myself? No. It’s an addiction. So I’m going to try and quit, or at least take a break to then return with a more positive motivation.

I’m just tired of putting myself into a negative feedback loop of looking at all these guys that I’ve had some sort of relationship with (whether one night stand to seeing one another) and trying to figure out the moment it went wrong. The moment they thought it was okay to leave without saying anything, or saying something hurtful, or be flaky, or I am the one to be flaky and hurtful.

I want to focus on other things and I know social media is an excuse to procrastinate to not focus on those things. Because those things are hard and take work and effort and it’s easy to get lost in seeing other people’s achievements, travels, and relationships. I’ve caught myself thinking more about what I’m going to say about the things I’m doing instead of living in the present. I think about the way I portray myself to the world and hope that whoever I see next will think I’m cool and interesting and worth being with… And what should dictate that is me, not my social media. So goodbye for now Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook. Maybe I’ll return when I’m well and ready, hopefully I never do. Ironically enough this will be posted on Twitter.. but whatever. I’m a hypocrite and not perfect. I just wanted to talk myself through why I need to do this. Making a public declaration is helpful in stopping something. It holds you accountable… Maybe I’ll turn more to this blog and actually write up more posts! I’m sure you reader would love more stories of heartache with poor grammar. I know I do…

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