All My Lovers Are Moving to Florida

Why would anyone choose to move to Florida? Month after month there’s some story about the terrible things that are going on in Florida; some person ate someone’s face, some alligator ate someone’s child, some hurricane hit and the state needed to be evacuated. Well ironically enough, all of my old loves/ lovers are heading down to the Sunshine state.

It first happened when the guy I was seeing this past year got a job down there. Sure we did long distance for a little bit, but as they say long distance never works out. Sure I was crushed. Sure I cried through the heartache for a couple months. Sure I think about it now and again and get sad… But you know you just have to bounce back and go put yourself out there and meet new people.

So I did. I met a guy in Montreal who happens to live an hour away from where I live. So we hit it off. When he got back from vacation post Montreal he invited me to stay at his place. I thought he lived with some roommates in the city but no I was wrong… He lived at home. So that weekend when I went to go stay with him, I met his brother… and his mom… and his grandmother… within a month of knowing him. Sure we had a nice time together. Sure we went out dancing and I met all his friends on top of his family. Sure we haven’t talked that much since. Sure we’ll text here and there but he hasn’t made an effort to see me since, even though I’ve invited him down. (Is it me? You can tell me it’s me. I won’t be upset). My point, this guy is also in Florida currently for a job. When he told me he was going to fly down for work, I relived all the PTSD of the heartbreak I experienced with my previous love. The trip I took down to see him before I started my new job, the trip he took up to see me after I started my new job, the phone call the following weekend which ended the whole thing… All because of Florida. It’s ok Florida, I would take your sunshine over my sadness any day too.

But the kicker was this week. An old flame gave me some interesting news… That he got into a medical school nearby! I was excited that I would have another person I know close by! But I realized that we can’t be friends, since we had previously hooked up and he’s been with his girlfriend for years now, and that we would probably never hang out. So while I was creating these scenarios in my head, he proceeded to tell me that it’s between around here or South Florida. And I threw in my towel. Ok Florida. You can take another one. What is it about you? Is it the beaches? The alligators? The job prospects? You’re going to be underwater in the next 5-10 years the way climate change is happening. You helped vote in Donald Trump! Fine, take all of them. See if I care. Clearly I don’t. That’s why I wrote a blog post about it.


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