It’s 11:30pm and I can’t sleep… My how the hours change as you get into the working world. I’ve been watching a lot of Friends and feeling especially self-loathing and self-deprecating the past week and a half. I can’t seem to stop the racing thoughts to let me go to bed. I decided to come back to my little blog of sadness and love, and write down what ever comes into mind. I don’t even know what this is supposed to be.
I watched an episode of Friends where Chandler said “I’m hopeless and desperate and looking for love.” which made me laugh really hard. Then I found the youtube clip, watched it another 2 or 5 times and burst into tears. The same tears that the Spotify Discovery Weekly playlist recognizes and uses to put in every dance/ remix/ mashup version of the song Bound 2 / Nobody to love. I’m glad that even modern age algorithms can pick up that yeah, I am tired of loving with nobody to love. Glad that Spotify knows my emotions. Or are you, Spotify, also tired of loving with nobody to love and are trying to send me a message? Am I being selfish and making this about me? Should I show you more love? I know I’ve been with Soundcloud a lot more lately but that doesn’t mean anything to me. We’re just hanging out.
Even now as I lay here I think about how all my thoughts are all shaped by lines that I’ve internalized from TV shows. “Your girl is lovely, Hubble” from Sex in the City, when Carrie understands why Mr. Big is with the woman that he’s with instead of her. Which lead me to think about Mr. Big and Carrie and their on and off again relationship. How can a person stay in your thoughts for such a long time? Why does closure happen for certain things but not others? Why is it always about timing? How do you get back to the level of just friends? Why do you start to tiptoe around? Are Mr. Big and Carrie really good for one another or are they just overly romanticized? So what makes you love their dysfunctional relationship?
I’m not going to bore you with more thoughts or questions dear reader. They’re the things I need to answer for myself. I just needed to write them down.