I have a couple posts that have been sitting in my drafts but the past two days I have gotten some inspiration to write. I have been listening to this AMAZING podcast called Guys We F***ed [https://soundcloud.com/guyswefucked] (pretty much the same idea that inspired this blog ie what I want this blog to be but I’m not as funny) is inspiration number one. Inspiration number two is the guy I lost my virginity to looked at my LinkedIn this week (What’s with all these LinkedIn boys – see Hot Med Student Kid). I have been thinking a lot about the night I lost my virginity so why not write about it.
I had my first kiss at 15 with my first boyfriend. It was sweet, in the rain, romantic, everything that the movies played out a first kiss to be. Unfortunately, my first boyfriend was emotionally abusive and from the first week we dated there was never a week that we didn’t fight. His family was very religious and stressed no sex before marriage. Although my ex boyfriend was not a virgin and I was we actually never had sex, the year and a half I was with him. After a year and a half of making me cut off ties with all my friends, controlling my life, and telling me that I was “book smart but not street smart,” he broke up with me. I was heartbroken, felt like I lost what little control I had, and became incredibly depressed. We got back together a couple times and after the last time we broke up that was it. I couldn’t go back, the little hope and trust I held on to was gone forever. I had a really supportive group of friends who helped me through the break up and were helpful in supporting me in not getting back together with him. It was a summer of fires, beaches, and being there for one another. In that group of friends was a set of twins A and B and they were about to be heading off to their freshman year in college. In that set of twins was a twin I was really into, all through high school, Twin B.
My senior year of high school comes. My ex boyfriend and I chat here and there and he wants to get back together (maybe it was power thing, we were AWFUL together). I kept saying no, that I needed some time, that I needed to figure it out aka stalling not getting back together. I thought that with time he would change his ways and we could get back together, but I was 17 and naive. So I decide to go visit Twin B at the college in October. My dad drove and dropped me off to my fate (little did he know). So I get into Twin B’s dorm room, drop off my stuff, and go to the dining hall with him. My ex-boyfriend calls me and it’s hard for me to hear him so I ask if I can call him back and he FLIPS. I hang up the phone and he started texting me how he only needed to talk to me for 5 minutes, why couldn’t I give him the light of day, why wasn’t I answering? I see where he was coming from, I was visiting a guy in college but my ex and I weren’t together and I owed him nothing. If he reacted differently maybe I would of stayed a virgin later into my life, hell maybe I would’ve never had sex and this blog wouldn’t exist.
So I turned my phone off and get back to the reason why I was there, to spend time with Twin B. Twin B and I went to a house party had a beer, went to the frat quad and we didn’t go in anywhere because I looked so young with braces and all (I was a hottie at 17. Glasses and braces. Oh Baby. It’s a miracle I lost my virginity). So we just went back to his dorm room. We decided to watch a movie aka the universal sign for lets make out and fool around. Twin B was also only the second person I had ever kissed. At the ripe age of 17. We don’t do anything more because his roommate was in the room, sorry roommate, and then we just go to bed. The following morning, when his roommate woke up to go shower and study, we started fooling around again. After a while I was like you know what, get a condom, lets do this. So, Twin B did. He put the condom on (yay protection and not yet being on birth control!) and put his penis in and we had sex. For some reason I always imagined that my body would feel different, or that something would happen, but nothing did. We talked about it afterwards and I didn’t feel any different, I didn’t feel like I was initiated into the world of the sexually active. I just felt like me except now I had to strip this label off if anyone asked me. We got breakfast, I hung out with one of my friends who also went to the same college, and then my dad picked me up later that day. It was like any other day.