Dear readers, as I continue to explore the world of post graduation dating I have realized one thing: I’m done giving out my number to people I have zero interest in talking to. Harsh? Yes. “But what if they’re only trying to make friends?” you may ask. I just can’t take that risk anymore. Maybe it’s the hostile mood I’ve been in the past couple months (I’ve been switching birth controls…. let me tell you, it’s been a whirlwind). Maybe it’s the super terrible guys I’ve met. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to go through with the yeah here’s my number that you cornered me into giving you, let me ignore your texts for a couple days only to eventually tell you I’m not interested. But I digress.
Who are these unfortunate souls (Could they have been soulmates?!) that I turned down? It all started out earlier this year when my boss and another lab manager were discussing how awkward it is to say no to giving someone your number, or how do you even do it without seeming rude? The answer is there is no way. Anyways, I kept it in the back of my head.
I continued on through the year and after winter break I decided to get back on Tinder… Because the first time wasn’t bad enough, right? I chat with people here and there. I started talking with a soon-to-be lawyer from UVA and our mutual love for 30 Rock. Highlight: Him plotting a murder that he would blame on me if I dated his Russian friend over him… Jokes? Oh Tinder boys. I love you all. He is not the highlight of this paragraph, although we did have great conversation (and no talk of meeting up!!). No, there was a guy who is now teaching at a high school and who’s parents own a brewery. He wasn’t that cute, I wasn’t that interested, but hey you don’t always swipe right for looks. #pretendingpersonalitymattersontinder.
We get to talking and like so many others he asks for my number. Having had a couple not-so-great Tinder interactions before (The guy who actually got upset with me that I wouldn’t give him my number and called me weird, see Tinderella post) I decided to say no not yet but I did like talking to him. So he was completely chill with that and we kept talking. Then for some reason I had a terrible lapse in judgement and was like “hey he seems normal enough and not weird, maybe I should give him my number.” So I did. Mistake number 1. He starts texting me and we’re doing the usual getting to know one another. Then, he starts getting weird. He said we should meet up and I was like no that’s not something I’m looking to do and he of course said he respects my wishes… then continues to excessively text me. After I tell him I don’t want to meet up for the second time, he asks the worst question you can ask. My stomach dropped the second I read the text: “Do you have snapchat?” IF I DON’T WANT TO MEET UP IN PERSON I DON’T WANT YOUR SELFIES… I gave him my snapchat name.
I knew exactly how this snapchat situation was going to progress. He sent me one from work, his drive home, him doing this, him doing that. I wasn’t really responding but still viewing. Then came night time and he was about to go to bed. One snapchat fully clothed, a couple snaps more, then he magically had his shirt off. Is that supposed to turn me on? Am I supposed to respond by taking my shirt off as well? Has the snapchat conversation really moved into the direction that we’re implying something, or are you reading signals I’m not sending with my blank face? Did I accidentally send cleavage and you decided that was me suggesting something? Am I misinterpreting the situation and you just don’t sleep with a shirt on? Even snapchat is as convoluted as texting.
So poor Tinder boy. He kept insisting that we meet up, I kept telling him I wasn’t interested in anything of the sort, and I just phased him out. He even called me out for it saying that I was getting less responsive as the day went on. Sorry, I’m busy trying to ignore you. I have deleted Tinder for good this time. I realized I liked having someone to talk to more than actually wanting to meet up with anyone. I learned my lesson about giving my number out and to talking to Tinder boys.
Well a couple months later, I went down to NYC to visit some friends. I heard about this app called Hinge, that doesn’t work where I live but it does in major cities. So I downloaded it. I decided to go for it and just swipe right (Do you swipe right on Hinge?) on everyone because I only had 3 days and limited hours to work with. Anyways, I got a lot of matches but surprisingly no one messaged me. I was a little distraught. Did I want to meet up with any of these people? No. But still. Send a girl a message.
On my bus home from NYC I finally got guys messaging me. They were all pretty basic. Nothing exciting. A lot of guys trying to convince me to come visit again so we can go on a date. But alas one of them did ask for my number. My response? “No sorry. I’m very wary of giving out my number via these things. Too many bad experiences.” And he responded like every other guy, “You’re right, but let me prove myself.” (Paraphrased here and there). But great! My first instance of saying no! My first time not giving my number out! Woo. You go girl!
I used this newfound skill again very recently. I was studying for a final in one of my favorite places on campus. It’s isolated, not many people walk by, it’s very open, I have huge tables to myself. I’m sitting, going through lecture notes, when suddenly a wave of thirst hits me. I go to the vending machine and get a cherry coke and then come back to my stuff. As I do so, I walk by some guy on the phone and I must have made eye contact. Mistake number 2: Making eye contact. Nothing suggests “Come talk to me I must be friendly,” like eye contact. I probably smiled too. Just sending all of those, come approach me signals. Fuck me right?
I sit down, continue studying when all of a sudden someone comes to my table. He introduces himself and tells me what beautiful blue eyes I have… I have green eyes. He then proceeds to sit down. Amused and knowing exactly where this is leading (this isn’t the first time I’ve been hit on) I played along. This poor guy. I feel mean now. Anyways, he asked me what I was doing, told me that he was in the same class as me so he could give me notes. I was so excited because I hadn’t been to lecture in a while and then he changed the subject as he pulled his notebook out. So close, yet so far. He had to tutor someone at 4pm. He asked me what were the three things about me that he wouldn’t be able to guess. I think I told him I was on a buzzfeed once, I was learning to play piano, and that I’m a dancer? I actually don’t remember what I told him.
I proceeded to ask him his 3. I remember one was that he did boxing and that he had a glove on him and thought he lost the other one where I was studying… Likely story? Yes. It’s completely reasonable. Anyways, he told me that he had a blog that he created drunkenly on our college’s equivalent of a SpringFest. Ugh I wish I could link it but I don’t want to publicize his blog (you know with all the traffic I get on this blog). He said the most cringe worthy line as I was typing the URL (I was having trouble with hearing him and typing it in correctly) and he said “Oh, I must have made it so it would be difficult for you.” First of all, no. You did not create the URL so that it would only be difficult for one person that you had never met. That is the worst flirtatious line I have ever heard. Second of all, you’re lucky I’m taking the time to look this up/ I’m trying to create a break in this conversation. Oh I remember another thing he told me, he was really good at chess and taught people how to play. (If I give you the third thing he’s good at will you be able to guess who this is?)
Awkward hitting-on continues. It’s almost time for him to leave. I have a test I still need to prepare for and using it as his in to help me study for it later, he asked for my number. My moment to shine finally arrived. I very politely declined. And that was that. No asking why not. No asking for my number again. He just left. It was great. I didn’t have to deal with the awkward texts. I wouldn’t have to tell him later that I wasn’t interested but we can be friends. It was done. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. So to my friends out there in the dating/ just overall world, it’s okay to just say no to giving someone your number. Don’t feel bad, don’t make up an excuse that you have a significant other, don’t even bring up your significant other if you have one. You have the right to say no, you can say no without being rude, and you SHOULD exercise your right to say no.