Tinderella

Fresh out of college, back from being abroad, and single, I was hyped up at the potential of meeting new friends. Sure, everyone says that’s it’s really hard to meet people out of college but I told myself that that just wasn’t true. There’s plenty of young cool people out there ready to meet new friends and make them. Well let me tell you, people are not out to make new friends, so I was thrown into a loop of desperation. I turned to the only rational option I could think of: Tinder.

The first time I tried Tinder, I hated everything it stood for. Who are these weird, creepy, douchey looking guys? I swiped left to about 30, being the shallow bitch that Tinder makes me, and then promptly deleted it… But once you start to Tinder, you just can’t leave. It sucks you in like a deadly whirlpool to rate people and make yourself feel better about knowing someone out there finds you attractive. I decided to try it out again. Maybe be a little open minded and lower my standards. So I right swiped my first person: A 28 year old guy who owned 8+ cats, multiple dogs, and horses but he looked hot, so why not? And guess what? I found great conversation… Until he got upset that I wouldn’t give a man I barely knew my number, then called me weird for it. You just know sometimes that a guy is going to be too aggressive when he’s trying to establish dominance via Tinder and you just shouldn’t have anymore contact with them. I then unmatched him. So, a couple more guys went by. One told me he had a crush on me the past three years. Note: We went to the same college and I still have no idea where I had seen him before but hey, that’s Love man. You know the amount of people I’ve loved from afar? Too many.

So after many guys, many promises of meet ups, a surprising amount of guys not saying how much they want to sleep with me, I decided it was time to go on and move onto the next tinder level: Meeting a tinder boy IRL.

My target: A Turkish guy who started out with the pick up line ——— <- that’s my pick-up line. I was charmed. We decided to meet up for drinks. To make the story a little more clear, I had pseudo set up another Tinder meet up… In the same night. Two Tinder guys in one night?! I’m ashamed to say, yes… But more on him Tinder boy number two in a second. I drag out my poor roommate to be  my forced third wheel. For all I knew this Tinder guy could actually be a serial killer, even if we decided to meet in a public place. My roommate and I get to the bar, we sit and wait. He can’t find me. Finally, after 15 minutes of searching, he does. I got a drink before hand so that he wouldn’t be able to buy me a drink and have a ‘you have to sleep with me because I bought you something’ mind frame, which once again could be wrong but I had my guard up for the worst. While Turkish guy goes to go get a drink my roommate and I snag a table and sit kiddy corner to each other. Turkish guy comes back and we’re on our date as my roommate sits right next to us silently examining my reactions. Literally right next to us. Like an opaque ghost. Tinder guy and I got to talking and I was not feeling it. Just not into it. He talked about finances, some stuff that I honestly could not recall if my life depended on it, made some Russian jokes (about my heritage or some comments, I don’t remember. Side note: Stop with the stereotypes, I’ve heard all of them, they are not charming. I’m Russian. I get it. Vodka and Bears. Haha hilarious.).

Finally, my roommate could tell I was not into it and we made an excuse to go meet her friend at a bar down the street (Which was not a lie and she did have a friend at a bar down the street.). Of course, Turkish guy also has friends down the street at another bar but magically, as we were walking towards our bar, his friends happened to be at the bar we were on our way to. Feeling trapped we decided we could just leave him in the line to wait to get into the bar and leave to go somewhere else ourselves, but surprise, surprise he knows the bouncer. We had to go in. There was no way out. As we go to show our IDs to the bouncer some girl just jumps on the bouncer and starts half humping him while we patiently wait. We show our IDs and walk in. Thankfully, my roommate’s friend was one of the first people we saw as soon as we got inside so it didn’t look like I was ditching him because I lost all interest (which I completely was but hey I don’t want to hurt his feelings). We parted ways while he went to find his friends.

Now comes the tale of my Tinderella, or as I like to also call him : Tinder boy number 2. Another Tinder boy that I had deflected the night before to meet up with for drinks messaged me again that night. I used the classic line of “I have plans but maybe.” I was chatting with him on Tinder the night before and he was in town from about an hour away for a concert. He was very keen on meeting the night before but I had other engagements and was not emotionally ready to meet up with a Tinder guy. But the following night I got some courage and as well as meeting up with Turkish kid, I was still chatting with Tinder boy number 2. TBN2 messaged me saying that he was at the bar that I had just left. I ended up at the bar situated right next to where he was. We were literally within 20-30 feet of each other (I’m also terrible with distances so we literally may not have been). We both didn’t want to leave our friends because who would leave the people they went out with to meet the random person on Tinder? Twist, he did. The bars were closing at 2, and it was 1:40. Was my Tinderella going to make it? He did. And it was magical. Sure I was a little drunk from the pitcher of margaritas that was mainly tequila but from the glimpses of memories I have from our conversation, we clicked. Can I tell you this all happened in a span on him coming in for the last 20 minutes of the bar being open? So I invited him back when the hand on the clock struck 2 and our pumpkin carriage, my roommate’s Honda CR-V, was going to drive away.

We came back and instead of jumping straight into my bed we played a least a half hours worth of bananagrams. I don’t think I’ve fallen in love harder.

With every story comes an ending. He got my number, we talked exclusively for 2 weeks and then just like that it faded (okay well not just like that but for the sake of brevity). He was a fun little fairy tale. Just gotta keep on tindering on until I find my next tinderella.

Side note: I deleted Tinder.

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